Sometimes people are curious about their spiritual origins, or, their original spiritual identity. Some get rather carried away with this curiosity and are led away from the strict bhakti path and into the association of so-called devotees who are also eager to learn their
siddha-svarupa without undergoing the necessary purification of heart that is gradually facilitated by Guru and Krsna within the heart of a sincere disciple. This purification takes place naturally, in due course of time, as the disciple renders service to the Guru and hears from him submissively, engaging under his direction in the service of the Lord. His Holiness Bhakti-Charu Swami has recounted in his book
Ocean of Mercy an incident in which a disciple of Srila Prabhupada wanted to "jump the gun" and learn from his spiritual master about his eternal, spiritual identity before he was actually ready.
Kalyana Dasa, a second-initiated Bengali devotee who lived outside the temple and worked as an insurance agent and school teacher, came to Mayapur to see Srila Prabhupada. Prabhupada asked him about his spiritual life and also inquired about his wife and children. It was a sweet, warm exchange. Then Kalyana asked, "Srila Prabhupada, what is my siddha-svarupa?" What, he wanted to know, was his spiritual identity.
This idea, to learn one's spiritual identity at the time of initiation, was a sahajiya, or deviant, practice, and Srila Prabhupada's mood changed immediately. He became extremely angry, and with his voice roaring and his lips quivering, he repeated, "You rascal. Your siddha-svarupa...You rascal. Your siddha-svarupa..." Finally, when he had cooled down but with his voice still raised, he told Kalyana, "Don't worry about your siddha-svarupa. When you become qualified, I will personally come and reveal it to you."
I was surprised by Srila Prabhupada's vehement reply, but I could also see two things clearly. The first was that as devotees we did not have to worry about our spiritual identity; we simply had to be engaged in devotional service. The rest would happen automatically, and our spiritual identity would be revealed by the mercy of guru and Krsna. The second was that Prabhupada would always be there for us. He would take us back to Godhead; it was just a matter of our becoming qualified.
Kalyana was very apologetic and begged Srila Prabhupada's forgiveness. After a moment, Prabhupada regained his natural serene and merciful mood and explained to Kalyana that when both the guru and disciple were qualified, the guru might reveal the disciple's spiritual identity. If, however; either tried to proceed improperly, it could not only create chaos but also destroy the spiritual life of both.
Told by Bhakti Charu Swami in "Ocean of Mercy" (Bhaktivedanta Book Trust, 2016), pp 111-112.
